1 00:00:00,700 --> 00:00:03,900 [Wind whistling] 2 00:00:04,033 --> 00:00:05,900 [Gentle calming music] 3 00:00:06,033 --> 00:00:08,067 [Electricity buzzes] 4 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:11,667 [Upbeat suspenseful music] 5 00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:19,433 [Soft suspenseful music] 6 00:00:25,933 --> 00:00:28,700 [Objects pouring] 7 00:00:35,900 --> 00:00:37,467 [Upbeat dramatic music] 8 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:40,400 Two households, both alike in dignity, 9 00:00:40,533 --> 00:00:43,400 in fair lancashire, where we lay our scene, 10 00:00:43,533 --> 00:00:46,400 from ancient grudge break to new mutiny, 11 00:00:46,533 --> 00:00:49,800 where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. 12 00:00:51,967 --> 00:00:56,267 But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? 13 00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:01,133 It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. 14 00:01:01,267 --> 00:01:02,600 [Clothe rustles] 15 00:01:02,733 --> 00:01:07,067 Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo? 16 00:01:07,133 --> 00:01:10,267 It's a load of old crap, innit? "Romeo and Juliet?" 17 00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:13,043 If I wanna watch a couple of teenagers 18 00:01:13,067 --> 00:01:13,900 have a fallout with their parents, 19 00:01:14,067 --> 00:01:15,267 I'll just watch "hollyoaks." 20 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:18,633 Yeah, it's really overrated, Shakespeare. 21 00:01:18,767 --> 00:01:20,100 They all harp on about him, 22 00:01:20,233 --> 00:01:22,133 but it's hardly 'death in paradise'. 23 00:01:22,267 --> 00:01:24,067 Now that is an hard-hitting drama. 24 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:27,867 Deny thy father and refuse thy name. 25 00:01:28,067 --> 00:01:29,900 Can someone have a look at this balcony? 26 00:01:30,067 --> 00:01:31,800 - [Balcony wobbling] - It's wobbly. 27 00:01:31,933 --> 00:01:33,309 It had better not wobble on the night. 28 00:01:33,333 --> 00:01:34,800 Can we find which of the volunteers 29 00:01:34,933 --> 00:01:36,133 built this and sack them? 30 00:01:36,267 --> 00:01:38,233 Is she not a bit old to be playing, Juliet? 31 00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,487 If she can't see wherefore art her Romeo is, 32 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,233 she should put her distance glasses on. 33 00:01:43,367 --> 00:01:45,833 This is mild. A few years back she was Annie. 34 00:01:48,533 --> 00:01:51,600 'Tis but thy name that is my enemy. 35 00:01:51,733 --> 00:01:54,867 Thou at thyself, will not aim unto you. 36 00:01:58,567 --> 00:02:02,700 - Sam! - [Door opens] 37 00:02:02,833 --> 00:02:04,933 - [Door slams] - Sam! Sam! 38 00:02:05,067 --> 00:02:07,333 And what does her majesty request this time? 39 00:02:07,467 --> 00:02:09,433 An ice swan in your dressing room? 40 00:02:09,567 --> 00:02:11,633 Sam, I cannot give a satisfactory Juliet 41 00:02:11,767 --> 00:02:13,400 if I'm offering it from a loose box. 42 00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:16,967 - Who could, dear. - [Bernard groaning] 43 00:02:19,333 --> 00:02:23,267 Oh, my sides, they're burning. 44 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:26,167 - He's good. - [Bernard groaning] 45 00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:28,333 - Bernard. - I've been poisoned! 46 00:02:28,467 --> 00:02:29,667 [Bernard groaning] 47 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,560 Bernard, your character doesn't die. Does he? 48 00:02:31,667 --> 00:02:34,067 Hang on, he's not mucking about. 49 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:35,733 No, he's inhabiting the character. 50 00:02:35,867 --> 00:02:37,100 But you'd have a bigger part 51 00:02:37,233 --> 00:02:38,743 if you hadn't done such a bloody awful audition. 52 00:02:38,767 --> 00:02:40,833 This is amateur dramatics, be professional. 53 00:02:40,967 --> 00:02:45,067 Ignore her, Bernard, your audition was fine, as was mine. 54 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:46,880 I'd be Romeo if this talentless idiot's dad 55 00:02:46,933 --> 00:02:48,167 wasn't sponsoring the play. 56 00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:50,833 Right, how can I be talentless, Sam, 57 00:02:50,967 --> 00:02:54,133 if I get the lead in every play that my dad sponsors, hmm? 58 00:02:56,867 --> 00:02:59,200 It's all right, everyone, I'm a nurse, I can help. 59 00:02:59,333 --> 00:03:00,973 Yeah, you're just playing a nurse, Stacey. 60 00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:03,267 Stop being so method, you work in a chip shop! 61 00:03:04,733 --> 00:03:07,567 - [Bernard groans] - [Stomach rumbling] 62 00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:08,867 You are brilliant! 63 00:03:10,133 --> 00:03:11,433 [Bernard groans] 64 00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,167 You'd better call an ambulance. 65 00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:14,767 [Bernard groans] 66 00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:16,433 I really think he's been poisoned. 67 00:03:16,567 --> 00:03:19,233 Everybody just be calm, there's no need for drama. 68 00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:21,833 [Bernard collapses and thuds] 69 00:03:21,967 --> 00:03:26,800 - There's been a murder! - [Upbeat twinkly music] 70 00:03:56,267 --> 00:03:59,067 [Door bangs] 71 00:03:59,167 --> 00:04:01,367 [Bernard grunting] 72 00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:03,700 The victim is 52 years old, male, 73 00:04:03,833 --> 00:04:05,309 - no known enemies. - [Bernard groaning] 74 00:04:05,333 --> 00:04:08,100 The poison seems to have caused some digestive distress, 75 00:04:08,233 --> 00:04:10,133 'cause he's emptied himself, twice. 76 00:04:10,267 --> 00:04:12,600 She's right, cleaners back there in tears. 77 00:04:12,733 --> 00:04:16,533 Monica said that two bakeries provided the backstage food. 78 00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:18,667 Looks like one of them served up poisoned goods. 79 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,533 I'm the actual copper here, Gemma. 80 00:04:20,667 --> 00:04:22,333 I say those things, thank you! 81 00:04:23,767 --> 00:04:26,800 [Car breaks screech] 82 00:04:29,067 --> 00:04:31,433 - [Car doors slam] - Well, well, well, 83 00:04:31,567 --> 00:04:36,067 the day has finally come, mr Montgomery, 84 00:04:36,133 --> 00:04:39,133 that your baking has killed someone! 85 00:04:39,267 --> 00:04:42,567 Don't you dare accuse me, caplan! 86 00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:45,733 Must have been one of your manky brownies! 87 00:04:45,867 --> 00:04:47,767 Montgomery's your poisoner! 88 00:04:47,900 --> 00:04:50,167 All right, let's keep things friendly. 89 00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:51,767 Accusations like that 90 00:04:51,900 --> 00:04:55,233 will lead to a very painful end for you, caplan! 91 00:04:55,367 --> 00:04:57,567 Oh, is that right? 92 00:04:57,700 --> 00:05:01,533 Come on son, I will roll you out flat! 93 00:05:01,667 --> 00:05:03,200 Right. 94 00:05:03,333 --> 00:05:05,493 Looks like he's brought a spoon to a rolling pin fight. 95 00:05:05,567 --> 00:05:10,367 Ooh, I've got fourteen inches of solid, British elm. 96 00:05:11,633 --> 00:05:13,167 Is that elm? It looks like ash to me. 97 00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:14,800 Well, it might be ash. 98 00:05:14,933 --> 00:05:17,200 There's an inspector morse episode about this, "am dram." 99 00:05:18,133 --> 00:05:19,900 We could be watching it. 100 00:05:20,067 --> 00:05:21,367 What you on about? 101 00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:23,600 You said that I should learn all I could 102 00:05:23,733 --> 00:05:25,367 about investigative methodology. 103 00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:27,133 - Yeah. - So I have, 104 00:05:27,267 --> 00:05:29,147 been watching box sets while you're at hot yoga. 105 00:05:29,267 --> 00:05:29,967 Do you want this!? Oh yeah? 106 00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:30,900 Go on, I dare you! 107 00:05:31,067 --> 00:05:32,267 - Yeah, yeah! - Do you?! Yeah?! 108 00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:33,567 Yeah! 109 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,967 Gentlemen, please, I'm asking you 110 00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:39,467 to behave like calm, rational bakers. 111 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:40,833 - Dad! - Dad! 112 00:05:40,967 --> 00:05:42,533 Leave it, he's not worth it. 113 00:05:42,667 --> 00:05:45,167 Dad, no rolling pins in public, come on. 114 00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:47,767 I'm trusting you two to take your dads home. 115 00:05:47,900 --> 00:05:49,867 If there's an actual crime here, 116 00:05:50,067 --> 00:05:52,067 the police will do what we do best. 117 00:05:53,100 --> 00:05:55,267 We'll get round to it. 118 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,100 Get round to it? 119 00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:00,633 Listen, it's quite straightforward, 120 00:06:00,767 --> 00:06:02,867 arrest him and close his bakery. 121 00:06:03,067 --> 00:06:05,300 Oh, hold me back, hold me back. 122 00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:07,233 - Can you smell that? - Yeah, bullsh. 123 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,433 No, money. 124 00:06:09,333 --> 00:06:12,500 [Gentle twinkly music] 125 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,800 Gentlemen, hi, hi, hi. 126 00:06:16,933 --> 00:06:19,733 We might be able to help you with your little problem. 127 00:06:19,867 --> 00:06:22,133 This might be the time for you to engage in the services 128 00:06:22,267 --> 00:06:24,967 of the north's most underrated investigators. 129 00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:27,800 She's right, we've been rated very badly 130 00:06:27,933 --> 00:06:29,533 by a lot of people. 131 00:06:29,667 --> 00:06:33,767 This sounds like industrial espionage and you're in luck, 132 00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:36,133 'cause that's something in which we are experts, 133 00:06:36,267 --> 00:06:38,067 says so on our website. 134 00:06:38,133 --> 00:06:39,733 - Does it? - Well, it will do by morning. 135 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:42,633 All right, fine, meet me at bakery 136 00:06:42,767 --> 00:06:44,200 first thing tomorrow morning 137 00:06:44,333 --> 00:06:46,800 and we'll get to the bottom of how he done this! 138 00:06:46,933 --> 00:06:49,133 Oh, hang on a minute! 139 00:06:49,267 --> 00:06:52,067 If you're working for him, you'll be biassed against me, 140 00:06:52,167 --> 00:06:53,733 I'm not having that. 141 00:06:53,867 --> 00:06:56,600 I'm hiring you too, yeah, I'll see you tomorrow. 142 00:06:56,733 --> 00:06:58,733 - See 'em, cappy. - I'm not sure 143 00:06:58,867 --> 00:07:00,867 if it's ethical investigating your own client. 144 00:07:01,067 --> 00:07:02,567 Oh ethical smethical! 145 00:07:02,700 --> 00:07:05,633 Two cases in one day, Terry, jackpot! 146 00:07:05,767 --> 00:07:07,200 And if we're really lucky, 147 00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:09,267 this whole thing is gonna get a lot worse... 148 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:10,867 [Gentle twinkly music] 149 00:07:11,067 --> 00:07:13,967 [Car engine starts] 150 00:07:18,067 --> 00:07:19,633 [Car engine revving] 151 00:07:19,767 --> 00:07:21,867 And now the games begin. 152 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:29,067 - [Bottle clacks] - [Suspenseful music] 153 00:07:30,067 --> 00:07:32,800 [Gemma and Monica laughing] 154 00:07:36,467 --> 00:07:38,833 - I'm back. - [Door slams] 155 00:07:38,967 --> 00:07:41,087 The looks you get when you haven't got a bag for life! 156 00:07:41,133 --> 00:07:42,700 Oh, Terry, your friend's here. 157 00:07:43,533 --> 00:07:44,867 Hiya. 158 00:07:45,067 --> 00:07:48,600 - [Bag thuds] - [Soft suspenseful music] 159 00:07:48,733 --> 00:07:50,233 Oh god, no! 160 00:07:50,367 --> 00:07:52,447 Terry, you never told me you had such a funny friend. 161 00:07:52,533 --> 00:07:54,067 Simon, you are hilarious. He is. 162 00:07:54,133 --> 00:07:55,900 Well, there'll be loads of stuff 163 00:07:56,067 --> 00:07:57,433 he's not told you about, Gemma. 164 00:07:57,567 --> 00:07:59,043 I don't suppose he's told you about the time 165 00:07:59,067 --> 00:08:00,443 when he lost all his savings on a pyramid scheme 166 00:08:00,467 --> 00:08:01,747 selling actual pyramids, did he? 167 00:08:01,833 --> 00:08:04,767 [Gemma, Simon and Monica laughing] 168 00:08:04,900 --> 00:08:06,367 That were your scheme. 169 00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:08,643 You told me pyramids were the house-shape of the future. 170 00:08:08,667 --> 00:08:11,500 - [Monica laughs] - Said I'd be a pharaoh. 171 00:08:11,633 --> 00:08:13,767 - Aah! - Or the time we graduated 172 00:08:13,900 --> 00:08:15,467 from coach driving school together. 173 00:08:16,933 --> 00:08:18,133 On his first day, 174 00:08:18,267 --> 00:08:20,500 I put superglue on the clip of his seatbelt. 175 00:08:20,633 --> 00:08:22,376 He drove all the way from wales to Edinburgh, 176 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,333 couldn't get out to go to the toilet once! 177 00:08:26,067 --> 00:08:28,076 I had to pee in my shoe and throw it out of the window. 178 00:08:28,100 --> 00:08:30,967 [Gemma and Monica laughing] 179 00:08:31,100 --> 00:08:33,133 Sorry, Terry's a little bit jealous, 180 00:08:33,267 --> 00:08:35,100 because I'm a bit of a free spirit, you know. 181 00:08:35,233 --> 00:08:37,067 I mean, I know where I was yesterday, 182 00:08:37,133 --> 00:08:39,500 but I don't know where I'll be tomorrow, you know. 183 00:08:39,633 --> 00:08:41,067 When did you get out of prison? 184 00:08:41,133 --> 00:08:42,333 Er, yesterday, yeah. 185 00:08:42,467 --> 00:08:46,133 Prison? Oh, Simon, what happened? 186 00:08:46,267 --> 00:08:51,067 I am the victim of identity theft, yeah, yeah, 187 00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:54,709 someone had been posing as me and, well they'd only gone 188 00:08:54,733 --> 00:08:56,076 and not paid my tax for seven years. 189 00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:57,867 - [Monica gasps] - That is awful. 190 00:08:58,067 --> 00:09:00,700 Yes, yeah, quite a daunting amount 191 00:09:00,833 --> 00:09:02,067 of credit card fraud as well, 192 00:09:02,133 --> 00:09:04,367 but I think most heart-breaking of all 193 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,767 was waiting for my best mate 194 00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:09,067 to show up to act as a character witness for me, 195 00:09:09,167 --> 00:09:12,067 but er, he never came, did he, Terry? 196 00:09:12,133 --> 00:09:13,133 - No. - Terry? 197 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:19,233 As an actor, I fake many identities, 198 00:09:19,367 --> 00:09:22,200 but I only ever use my powers for good. 199 00:09:22,333 --> 00:09:25,933 An actor! Oh yes, of course. 200 00:09:26,067 --> 00:09:28,533 Do you know, I sensed a certain creative essence 201 00:09:28,667 --> 00:09:29,667 in the room, I did. 202 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:31,167 That's a glade plugin. 203 00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:33,433 Terry, I'm getting a real negative vibe 204 00:09:33,567 --> 00:09:34,767 from you right now. 205 00:09:34,900 --> 00:09:36,967 Look, I just heard that your coach had blown up 206 00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:39,933 and I just wanted to make sure you were all right. 207 00:09:40,067 --> 00:09:42,667 See? Terry, that's what friends do. 208 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:45,533 Simon has turned up for you. Thank you. 209 00:09:45,667 --> 00:09:49,133 So, did you have all your insurance papers in order? 210 00:09:49,267 --> 00:09:50,567 Let me save you some time. 211 00:09:51,867 --> 00:09:55,933 I am skint, Gemma's skint, we're both skint. 212 00:09:56,067 --> 00:09:57,476 So you've had a bit of a wasted journey. 213 00:09:57,500 --> 00:09:59,067 I'm not skint. 214 00:09:59,133 --> 00:10:00,667 I mean, I'm not well off, 215 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,133 but um, well i'd say I'm comfortable. 216 00:10:04,167 --> 00:10:07,833 - So, an actor? Wow! - Oh. 217 00:10:07,967 --> 00:10:09,807 Well, listen, if you are doing any productions, 218 00:10:09,867 --> 00:10:11,533 you know, I'd love to help out. 219 00:10:11,667 --> 00:10:15,300 Gemma, I can feel my wing taking somebody under it. 220 00:10:15,433 --> 00:10:18,933 [Gemma and Monica laughing] 221 00:10:19,067 --> 00:10:20,433 See Terry? Friends. 222 00:10:22,433 --> 00:10:25,000 [Gentle music] 223 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,733 [Eagle whistles] 224 00:10:48,867 --> 00:10:53,733 - [Whip whooshes] - [Cat meowing] 225 00:10:56,467 --> 00:10:58,100 [Metal dings] 226 00:10:58,233 --> 00:11:03,067 - [Playful dramatic music] - [Birds chirping] 227 00:11:04,333 --> 00:11:06,067 Right, you take monty's, I'll take caplan's. 228 00:11:06,133 --> 00:11:07,833 This is an in-depth investigation. 229 00:11:07,967 --> 00:11:09,667 What's their security system like? 230 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,267 Who's got access to the products? 231 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,500 Have they upset anyone lately? Are you ready? 232 00:11:15,233 --> 00:11:17,933 Gemma, i'm investigating a bakery. 233 00:11:18,067 --> 00:11:19,867 [Zip creaks] 234 00:11:20,067 --> 00:11:21,333 Never been more ready. 235 00:11:21,467 --> 00:11:26,300 - [Playful dramatic music] - [Bird chirps] 236 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,567 [Terry inhales] 237 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:41,767 Hmm, oh, hmm. 238 00:11:45,767 --> 00:11:48,067 [Table clacks] 239 00:11:48,167 --> 00:11:51,067 Yeah, this one's all right too. 240 00:11:51,133 --> 00:11:54,633 Do you intend to taste very single product we make? 241 00:11:54,767 --> 00:11:57,133 Monty, a man's in hospital, 242 00:11:57,267 --> 00:11:59,300 possibly because of eating your food. 243 00:11:59,433 --> 00:12:00,933 I'd have to be an idiot 244 00:12:01,067 --> 00:12:02,309 not to want to check everything personally, hmm. 245 00:12:02,333 --> 00:12:05,700 [Playful dramatic music] 246 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:13,067 This is Gemma draper. 247 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,900 Interview 1 with Phillip caplan, also known as cappy, 248 00:12:16,067 --> 00:12:17,867 at the caf� at caplan's bakery. 249 00:12:19,867 --> 00:12:22,500 The weather is overcast, I'm drinking a coffee, 250 00:12:22,633 --> 00:12:24,409 cappy's got a water, I've got my lucky jumper on, 251 00:12:24,433 --> 00:12:25,933 cappy's looking confused. 252 00:12:27,567 --> 00:12:32,267 Right, [sighs] So, firstly, cappy, do you have any enemies? 253 00:12:35,333 --> 00:12:39,067 Oh, yes, you met him last night. 254 00:12:39,167 --> 00:12:43,667 Marshall 'monty' Montgomery, awful man, 255 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:48,100 owner of an even more awful bakery, with an idiot son. 256 00:12:49,767 --> 00:12:53,200 Our families were lifelong rivals. 257 00:12:53,333 --> 00:12:55,600 The feud began 100 years ago, 258 00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:58,700 when our great, great grandfathers started a war. 259 00:12:58,833 --> 00:13:02,667 They couldn't agree on what goods each bakery could produce, 260 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,700 but as the jams spilt and the bodies piled up, 261 00:13:05,833 --> 00:13:08,833 it were clear they'd forgotten the baker's motto, 262 00:13:08,967 --> 00:13:13,800 "live and let sieve," until eventually they called a truce. 263 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:18,400 So, it was decided that Montgomery's would do sweets 264 00:13:18,533 --> 00:13:20,267 and caplan's would do savouries. 265 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,800 - Mm-hm. - Fine, but, the caplans 266 00:13:23,933 --> 00:13:28,300 have always been an angry, bitter, jealous little bunch. 267 00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:31,900 Monty seems pretty sure you're jealous of his success. 268 00:13:32,067 --> 00:13:34,133 Oh, what a load of old horse. 269 00:13:34,267 --> 00:13:38,400 Shiitake mushroom and butternut squash surprise. 270 00:13:38,533 --> 00:13:40,667 That's what kicked it all off again. 271 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:44,100 Now, I know that, strictly speaking, it's not a sweet, 272 00:13:44,233 --> 00:13:46,133 but I only done 'em for a trial. 273 00:13:46,267 --> 00:13:48,633 I tried to tell him, but he couldn't give a- 274 00:13:48,767 --> 00:13:50,933 focaccia, yeah? 275 00:13:51,067 --> 00:13:54,067 He were selling focaccia as well. Did he tell you that? 276 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:55,667 That's breaking the rules, that is, 277 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,433 made me look a right stupid coun- 278 00:13:57,567 --> 00:13:58,800 country pie! 279 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:03,067 If he keeps accusing me of breaking the rules, 280 00:14:03,167 --> 00:14:06,167 I'll make a country pie that'll blow him out of the water. 281 00:14:07,533 --> 00:14:10,067 He needs taking down a peg or two anyway. 282 00:14:10,133 --> 00:14:12,533 Puts all sorts in them savouries, 283 00:14:12,667 --> 00:14:16,233 cheese, peas, it's disgusting. 284 00:14:16,367 --> 00:14:18,433 - [Telephone ringing] - Excuse me. 285 00:14:20,933 --> 00:14:24,200 - Hello, Montgomery's. - [Man speaking over telephone] 286 00:14:24,333 --> 00:14:29,200 Oh, no, I think there must be some mist... 287 00:14:30,767 --> 00:14:32,043 [Voice on phone] I'll never use your bakery again. 288 00:14:32,067 --> 00:14:34,267 Oh well, i'm, i'm very sorry about that. 289 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:37,167 [Voice on phone] It was unbelievable! 290 00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:40,967 - Dad? What's wrong? - [Telephone clacks] 291 00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:45,933 Apparently, our gingerbread men have got pubic hair! 292 00:14:49,933 --> 00:14:53,233 Happens, when they get older. 293 00:14:53,367 --> 00:14:56,233 How could you let this happen, ray? 294 00:14:56,367 --> 00:14:59,067 I mean we're losing money hand over fist here. 295 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:02,933 I've just upped the insurance, the premiums are killing me. 296 00:15:03,067 --> 00:15:05,300 God, you're such an idiot, boy. 297 00:15:05,433 --> 00:15:08,467 [Laughs] According to the grapevine, 298 00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:12,333 old monty's gingerbread men have just come of age! 299 00:15:12,467 --> 00:15:15,867 Well if this gets out, there's no way he gets that unit 300 00:15:16,067 --> 00:15:17,900 in the new shopping centre. 301 00:15:18,067 --> 00:15:20,800 Ah, is that gonna be a shopping centre? 302 00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:24,633 Gutted, I had my fingers crossed for an Ikea. 303 00:15:24,767 --> 00:15:26,600 Well, they'll only allow one bakery, 304 00:15:26,733 --> 00:15:29,867 and we both put bids in. 305 00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:33,067 Julie, looks like we're expanding! 306 00:15:35,367 --> 00:15:39,233 Dad, that was the hepburn funeral, the one we catered for, 307 00:15:40,867 --> 00:15:44,900 the cornish pasties, they're filled with corn plasters. 308 00:15:45,067 --> 00:15:46,733 - What? - Ugh. 309 00:15:46,867 --> 00:15:49,567 - No! - They want their money back. 310 00:15:49,700 --> 00:15:53,067 I'm sorry, Gemma, we'll have to continue this later. 311 00:15:53,133 --> 00:15:55,267 Yeah, of course. [Chuckles] 312 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:56,676 [Cappy] If he wants a war, I'll give him a war! 313 00:15:56,700 --> 00:15:57,900 [Julie] Calm down, dad, 314 00:15:58,067 --> 00:15:59,243 everything's going to be all right. 315 00:15:59,267 --> 00:16:01,833 [Cappy] You don't understand. ? 316 00:16:03,233 --> 00:16:05,967 [she's clacking] 317 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:10,400 [Upbeat funky music] 318 00:16:16,067 --> 00:16:17,067 Hello? 319 00:16:19,933 --> 00:16:22,233 Now what are you doing here? 320 00:16:28,267 --> 00:16:30,233 [Cappy] I hate him so much! 321 00:16:30,367 --> 00:16:34,967 - Dad, please, not again. - [Cappy sobbing] 322 00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:36,100 Oh, monty. 323 00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:42,233 So basically there's loads of evidence both accusing 324 00:16:42,367 --> 00:16:44,333 and exonerating both of our main suspects. 325 00:16:44,467 --> 00:16:46,333 I mean, this is classic "bergerac." 326 00:16:46,467 --> 00:16:48,867 They both want that new unit in the shopping centre. 327 00:16:49,067 --> 00:16:51,133 One's got insurance and money worries, 328 00:16:51,267 --> 00:16:53,667 the other's got a security pass for his rival. 329 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:55,900 I just wish they'd killed someone, 330 00:16:56,067 --> 00:16:57,667 it's always so much easier with a murder. 331 00:16:57,733 --> 00:16:59,867 Well, sadly Bernard's only in a coma. 332 00:17:00,067 --> 00:17:01,343 It's neither one thing or the other, is it? 333 00:17:01,367 --> 00:17:02,900 Bloody selfish is what it is. 334 00:17:04,533 --> 00:17:07,633 Right, Monica's having drinks with the cast, we'll pop in, 335 00:17:07,767 --> 00:17:11,067 see if we can see any potential suspects, 336 00:17:11,167 --> 00:17:14,233 then after that, we're doing our first stake-out. 337 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,200 Don't you mean 'steak bake-out'? 338 00:17:18,433 --> 00:17:19,667 No. 339 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,467 - [Gentle calming music] - [Newspapers rustling] 340 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,300 [Shoes clacking] 341 00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:31,933 [Electricity buzzes] 342 00:17:36,167 --> 00:17:39,500 [Soft suspenseful music] 343 00:17:44,167 --> 00:17:45,633 [Birds chirping] 344 00:17:45,767 --> 00:17:47,500 Do we really have to go to this? 345 00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:50,867 Yes, Terry, it's a professional investigation, 346 00:17:51,067 --> 00:17:52,900 which, thankfully, will involve prosecco. 347 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:55,800 All right Simon, 348 00:17:57,833 --> 00:17:59,300 - taking a little breather? - Hmm. 349 00:17:59,433 --> 00:18:00,676 Our Monica's quite a handful, isn't she? 350 00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:02,733 Yeah, yeah, she's got quite, er, 351 00:18:04,067 --> 00:18:05,443 intense energy about her, doesn't she? 352 00:18:05,467 --> 00:18:09,067 And her voice, it's quite erm- 353 00:18:09,167 --> 00:18:10,667 - grating? - Yes. 354 00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,767 But, you know, in a good way, 355 00:18:12,900 --> 00:18:15,667 you know, it's like she's relentlessly grating off 356 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:18,200 the harsh outer shell of my heart, you know. 357 00:18:18,333 --> 00:18:19,333 Aww. 358 00:18:24,367 --> 00:18:26,700 Why don't you just go and do one, yeah? 359 00:18:26,833 --> 00:18:28,600 You're nowt but a con-man and a thief. 360 00:18:30,633 --> 00:18:33,067 I think we need to clear a few things up. 361 00:18:33,133 --> 00:18:35,533 You could have helped me out, 362 00:18:35,667 --> 00:18:37,309 could have stood up for me in court when I needed you, 363 00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:40,433 but you didn't, and my life was taken away from me, 364 00:18:40,567 --> 00:18:44,167 so you owe me a new life. 365 00:18:45,867 --> 00:18:50,233 What, with Monica? You're punishing yourself, mate. 366 00:18:50,367 --> 00:18:54,067 Terry, Monica is a lovely person, 367 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:57,333 and I can see us being very happy together in her big house, 368 00:18:57,467 --> 00:19:00,467 watching her big telly while you keep your big mouth shut. 369 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,100 Well, I'll tell her, and Gemma, 370 00:19:05,133 --> 00:19:06,733 I'll tell them the truth about you, 371 00:19:07,967 --> 00:19:09,043 then you'll be buggered, won't you? 372 00:19:09,067 --> 00:19:10,167 - Really? - Ah-ha. 373 00:19:10,300 --> 00:19:11,833 - Really? - Yeah. 374 00:19:11,967 --> 00:19:14,167 Okay, well since we're all about telling the truth, 375 00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:15,700 how do you think Gemma's gonna react 376 00:19:15,767 --> 00:19:17,567 when I tell her about what me and you [clicks] 377 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,867 Got up to in Dubrovnik? 378 00:19:21,067 --> 00:19:24,433 [Soft suspenseful music] 379 00:19:24,567 --> 00:19:29,233 [Gasps] No, I was a different man then. 380 00:19:29,367 --> 00:19:32,167 That's not how Gemma's gonna see it, though, is it? 381 00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:36,167 So if you just keep schtum, let me do my thing, 382 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:40,067 no one needs to know, all right? [Clicks] 383 00:19:40,133 --> 00:19:43,067 [Gentle playful music] 384 00:19:43,133 --> 00:19:44,133 Hey, hey. 385 00:19:45,933 --> 00:19:46,933 Hey, hey. 386 00:19:48,667 --> 00:19:51,233 [Man groaning] 387 00:19:54,100 --> 00:19:56,333 - [Man] My poor tummy! - What's going on here? 388 00:19:56,467 --> 00:19:59,300 They're all being sick, very amateur dramatically. 389 00:19:59,433 --> 00:20:03,300 [Men and lady vomiting] 390 00:20:03,433 --> 00:20:06,200 It's a claw, birds' claws in all the pasties, 391 00:20:06,333 --> 00:20:07,533 they're poisoning actors. 392 00:20:07,667 --> 00:20:09,333 A curse is on all of our houses. 393 00:20:09,467 --> 00:20:12,367 [Sam clapping] 394 00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,133 [Woman vomiting] 395 00:20:14,267 --> 00:20:17,767 Bravo, Monica, not only have you robbed yourself 396 00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:20,533 and the audience, might I add, of my portrayal of Romeo, 397 00:20:20,667 --> 00:20:23,400 you've poisoned the cast, twice! 398 00:20:23,533 --> 00:20:25,167 I'll get my dinner elsewhere, thank you. 399 00:20:25,300 --> 00:20:27,900 Somewhere that hasn't got butt-holes in the profiteroles! 400 00:20:28,033 --> 00:20:29,567 But I got these from caplans, 401 00:20:29,700 --> 00:20:32,233 I didn't ask for the bird claw ones. 402 00:20:32,367 --> 00:20:35,033 Do you think that's why they were on special offer? 403 00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:37,233 Well, Sam's on the list of suspects. 404 00:20:37,367 --> 00:20:39,933 Stacey's producing plenty of evidence. Come on. 405 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:43,267 [Lady vomiting] 406 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:45,500 - [Upbeat music] - [Owl hoots] 407 00:20:45,633 --> 00:20:47,300 [Hands rubbing] 408 00:20:47,433 --> 00:20:48,967 Do you think we should buy a car? 409 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,033 Who goes on a stakeout in deck chairs? 410 00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:53,933 Shut up and keep rubbing your hands. 411 00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:57,267 - Why am I wearing this? - To blend in. 412 00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:00,067 Gemma, the only way we'd blend in 413 00:21:00,133 --> 00:21:02,367 is in a pool with massive tadpoles. 414 00:21:02,500 --> 00:21:05,567 We're gonna sit here all night and catch the poisoner. 415 00:21:07,067 --> 00:21:09,267 Right, we're needing this then. 416 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:10,400 Oh. 417 00:21:13,733 --> 00:21:15,733 [Drink pouring] 418 00:21:15,867 --> 00:21:18,233 Here's drink, I drink to thee. 419 00:21:19,433 --> 00:21:20,933 Is that a Shakespeare quote? 420 00:21:21,067 --> 00:21:23,467 Hmm, Shakespeare couldn't help himself writing quotes. 421 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:25,133 Well, this is just coffee. 422 00:21:25,267 --> 00:21:28,267 Well, coffee with a bit of an Irish twist to it. 423 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:29,400 Oh. 424 00:21:32,300 --> 00:21:36,933 [Blows mouth] Ooh, Irish? 425 00:21:37,067 --> 00:21:38,733 It's liquid bloody "riverdance," that! 426 00:21:38,867 --> 00:21:41,933 [Terry clears throat] 427 00:21:42,067 --> 00:21:46,767 But more importantly, it'll keep us awake and alert. 428 00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:48,267 [Gemma] Yeah. 429 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:53,300 - [Terry snoring] - [Gentle playful music] 430 00:22:03,067 --> 00:22:04,967 ? I'm mad ? 431 00:22:05,100 --> 00:22:07,767 [Julie] You are my special little muffin. 432 00:22:07,900 --> 00:22:10,567 [Ray] Well, you give me the cream horn. 433 00:22:10,700 --> 00:22:14,967 Oh, really? Are you after having a cinnamon roll with me? 434 00:22:15,100 --> 00:22:16,100 You know it. 435 00:22:17,567 --> 00:22:19,967 [Lips smack] 436 00:22:22,733 --> 00:22:26,067 I just want us to be together, in front of everyone. 437 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:29,067 Me too, but not with all this poisonous stuff going on, 438 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:30,300 it's too soon. 439 00:22:31,633 --> 00:22:35,333 Meanwhile, why don't we... 440 00:22:38,300 --> 00:22:41,133 -Oh, Julie, glaze me, -[Julie chuckles] 441 00:22:41,267 --> 00:22:43,333 Glaze me like I've never been glazed before! 442 00:22:44,533 --> 00:22:46,133 I'll go and make some syrup 443 00:22:46,267 --> 00:22:49,733 and I want that doughnut to be right there when I get back. 444 00:22:49,867 --> 00:22:52,467 [Julie giggles] 445 00:22:53,933 --> 00:22:57,800 [Ray] Don't be long, sweet-cheeks, miss you already. 446 00:22:57,933 --> 00:23:00,600 - Terry, Terry! - [Terry snoring] 447 00:23:00,733 --> 00:23:02,733 [Door slams] 448 00:23:02,867 --> 00:23:05,167 [Terry] Can we please just have another coffee, 449 00:23:05,300 --> 00:23:07,300 and think about this? 450 00:23:07,433 --> 00:23:08,933 Come on, down here. 451 00:23:09,067 --> 00:23:13,333 Yeah, towards the creepy music, always with the towards. 452 00:23:13,467 --> 00:23:17,867 ? Whose in the story I'm about to tell ? 453 00:23:29,933 --> 00:23:32,533 Oh, Terry, he's got a doughnut. 454 00:23:34,833 --> 00:23:36,433 Well, technically, it's got him. 455 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,867 [Torch thuds] 456 00:23:41,100 --> 00:23:43,233 What are you doing here? 457 00:23:49,267 --> 00:23:51,200 Oh, now that's just showing off. 458 00:23:51,333 --> 00:23:54,800 Please, you cannot tell my father, he won't understand. 459 00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:56,076 You don't know what he's like. 460 00:23:56,100 --> 00:24:00,467 - [Door slams] - [Gentle calming music] 461 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:01,600 Come on, after him. 462 00:24:01,633 --> 00:24:03,333 But, Gemma, he's half corked! 463 00:24:05,500 --> 00:24:07,967 Where'd he go? Ray? 464 00:24:08,100 --> 00:24:11,133 Oh, well this is great, we've sat here all night 465 00:24:11,267 --> 00:24:14,133 and all we've uncovered is one naked baker. [Sighing] 466 00:24:14,267 --> 00:24:17,833 Gemma, I saw a man violate a doughnut tonight. 467 00:24:19,467 --> 00:24:21,967 A doughnut? I mean, those are sacred. 468 00:24:22,100 --> 00:24:23,600 It's days like this I wonder, 469 00:24:23,733 --> 00:24:25,833 shouldn't we just go back to running coach trips? 470 00:24:27,300 --> 00:24:29,200 I mean, are we sure about the investigating? 471 00:24:29,333 --> 00:24:33,067 Yes, Terry, we're sure. We decided, remember? 472 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:36,567 I remember the decision, I mean I were there, 473 00:24:38,233 --> 00:24:40,313 just not sure how involved I was in the making of it. 474 00:24:40,367 --> 00:24:43,167 You said, "whatever makes you happy." 475 00:24:43,300 --> 00:24:45,400 Look at me, I'm happy, 476 00:24:45,533 --> 00:24:47,433 it's the best decision you've ever made. 477 00:24:49,067 --> 00:24:51,433 Come on then, let's go home, we've blown our cover. 478 00:24:51,567 --> 00:24:55,133 All right, just so you know, 479 00:24:55,267 --> 00:24:57,533 I read in "Cosmopolitan" that two doughnuts 480 00:24:57,667 --> 00:24:59,633 is the size that the average woman enjoys. 481 00:25:01,067 --> 00:25:05,067 - It's three. - [Gentle suspenseful music] 482 00:25:10,900 --> 00:25:13,300 [Fire rages] 483 00:25:24,067 --> 00:25:28,933 - [Electricity buzzes] - [Motor clacking] 484 00:25:30,300 --> 00:25:35,133 - [Birds chirping] - [Monty whistling] 485 00:25:39,067 --> 00:25:43,933 - [Door slams] - [Gentle music] 486 00:25:44,967 --> 00:25:47,667 [Raven croaking] 487 00:25:49,100 --> 00:25:50,700 [Gravel crunching] 488 00:25:50,833 --> 00:25:53,567 [Monty whistling] 489 00:25:59,067 --> 00:26:01,067 Terry thinks we're having an affair, Monica. 490 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:03,833 I keep telling him, we are just friends. 491 00:26:03,967 --> 00:26:07,100 I mean, do I long for my lips to dance across hers? 492 00:26:07,233 --> 00:26:09,467 Of course, I'd be stupid not to. 493 00:26:11,067 --> 00:26:13,833 But, if stupid is what it takes, then that's what I'll be. 494 00:26:13,967 --> 00:26:18,100 Simon, you'll set my heart racing. [Chuckles] 495 00:26:18,233 --> 00:26:20,067 Could you be any more transparent. 496 00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:22,267 - Eh? - You heard. 497 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,733 You know, this whole poisoning thing 498 00:26:24,867 --> 00:26:28,533 could be a conspiracy to stop me doing my amazing play. 499 00:26:28,667 --> 00:26:31,200 Well, it could be me then, I mean, it could be Simon. 500 00:26:31,333 --> 00:26:33,467 This poisoning all started when you showed up. 501 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:37,567 It's Sam, the little boy who always wanted to be Romeo 502 00:26:37,700 --> 00:26:39,600 and doesn't care who he hurts to get the part. 503 00:26:39,733 --> 00:26:41,967 You're letting this idea run away with itself. 504 00:26:42,100 --> 00:26:44,400 Probably, yes, but we've got nothing else to go on. 505 00:26:44,533 --> 00:26:46,433 Gemma, I'd advise caution. 506 00:26:46,567 --> 00:26:48,800 In the amateur dramatic episode of "Hamish Macbeth-" 507 00:26:48,933 --> 00:26:51,467 it's bad luck to say Macbeth! Oh. 508 00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:52,933 Oh, never mind that. 509 00:26:54,233 --> 00:26:56,100 Come on, let's go and search Sam's room. 510 00:26:56,233 --> 00:26:59,233 [Chuckles] Eh, Gemma, I don't do carrying. 511 00:27:01,067 --> 00:27:03,600 [Box thuds] 512 00:27:03,733 --> 00:27:06,200 So, shall we go through your lines 513 00:27:06,333 --> 00:27:07,700 in your dressing room, then? 514 00:27:07,833 --> 00:27:09,567 I mean, after all, that's all we can do, 515 00:27:09,700 --> 00:27:14,233 I mean, anything else would be very very naughty. 516 00:27:14,367 --> 00:27:17,867 [Chuckles] You devil! [Chuckles] 517 00:27:18,067 --> 00:27:20,533 [Gentle music] 518 00:27:23,300 --> 00:27:26,367 [Door hinge creaking] 519 00:27:29,733 --> 00:27:31,300 Terry, stay at the door. 520 00:27:31,433 --> 00:27:33,133 Sam was really angry at the party, 521 00:27:33,267 --> 00:27:34,633 if he gets here and attacks, 522 00:27:34,767 --> 00:27:36,533 I want you as a buffer between him and me. 523 00:27:36,667 --> 00:27:38,667 Is that all I am, a buffer? 524 00:27:38,800 --> 00:27:43,633 [Sighs] Terry, you're a lot of things to me and, yeah, 525 00:27:44,933 --> 00:27:45,633 yeah yeah, in this case you're a buffer. 526 00:27:45,767 --> 00:27:48,333 [Gentle music] 527 00:27:53,167 --> 00:27:57,433 [Hungers dinging and creaking] 528 00:27:57,567 --> 00:28:00,200 Oh, that's pretty. 529 00:28:06,500 --> 00:28:07,500 Aah. 530 00:28:15,067 --> 00:28:17,067 [Toilet flashing] 531 00:28:17,133 --> 00:28:18,733 What's going on? 532 00:28:18,867 --> 00:28:23,700 Oh, I think you know, corn plasters, pubic hairs, 533 00:28:25,100 --> 00:28:26,667 that's what's going on. 534 00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,367 How did you get that many? Must have taken you years. 535 00:28:29,500 --> 00:28:31,133 I bet you're smooth as butter down there. 536 00:28:31,267 --> 00:28:33,100 You can't pin those pubes on me. 537 00:28:33,233 --> 00:28:36,100 Your poisoning days are over, Sam. 538 00:28:36,233 --> 00:28:37,800 You tried to take down two bakeries! 539 00:28:37,933 --> 00:28:42,200 Two bakeries, who hurt you? 540 00:28:42,333 --> 00:28:45,167 Are you mad?! Why would I wanna poison baked goods? 541 00:28:45,300 --> 00:28:48,567 Revenge, for not getting a part in the play. 542 00:28:48,700 --> 00:28:51,233 You've got delusions of grandeur. 543 00:28:51,367 --> 00:28:55,567 That, coupled with psychotic cooking tendencies, 544 00:28:55,700 --> 00:28:58,733 you might as well be Gordon ramsay himself. 545 00:28:58,867 --> 00:29:01,100 Oh, my god, I'm good at this, nailed it. 546 00:29:01,233 --> 00:29:04,533 Get out of my way, I said out of my way! 547 00:29:04,667 --> 00:29:06,967 Where is that blithering idiot, ray? 548 00:29:07,100 --> 00:29:08,800 My Julie has gone missing. 549 00:29:08,933 --> 00:29:12,067 She wasn't in work today, but I found this photo 550 00:29:12,167 --> 00:29:15,767 in her bedroom of her and that son of a baker, look! 551 00:29:17,700 --> 00:29:18,867 Oh Jesus Christ! 552 00:29:19,067 --> 00:29:21,267 Dear god, they're using an eclair this time! 553 00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:22,633 That's not even my bag! 554 00:29:22,767 --> 00:29:24,900 - Terry, buffer! - Whoa, whoa, whoa! 555 00:29:25,067 --> 00:29:28,467 Oh give over, look, it's Ray's bag, you idiots! 556 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:29,743 Look, it's got his name in it. 557 00:29:29,767 --> 00:29:30,767 Oh. 558 00:29:31,767 --> 00:29:36,067 - What? - Ray is our saboteur! 559 00:29:36,167 --> 00:29:37,800 He's ruining his own dad's business? 560 00:29:37,933 --> 00:29:39,533 He hates working in that bakery. 561 00:29:39,667 --> 00:29:43,767 His dad treats him like dirt, everyone knows that. 562 00:29:43,900 --> 00:29:45,500 Everybody knows that! 563 00:29:45,633 --> 00:29:47,367 They do this on "lovejoy" quite a lot. 564 00:29:47,500 --> 00:29:49,133 - Yeah? - The son destroys the father. 565 00:29:49,267 --> 00:29:50,433 - Mm. - I mean, it must lead 566 00:29:50,567 --> 00:29:52,167 to a lot of awkward Christmas dinners, 567 00:29:52,300 --> 00:29:54,200 but like they don't really talk about it, 568 00:29:54,333 --> 00:29:56,367 'cause it's not plot-driven or. 569 00:29:56,500 --> 00:29:59,067 Where does my Julie fit in with all this? 570 00:30:00,933 --> 00:30:04,867 Because both you and monty forbid their love. 571 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:08,833 God, it's so romantic, it's like Shakespeare, 572 00:30:09,933 --> 00:30:11,000 but with bakers. 573 00:30:12,233 --> 00:30:13,867 Don't you mean bakespeare? 574 00:30:18,533 --> 00:30:23,100 He's ruining the bakeries so they can both be free. 575 00:30:23,233 --> 00:30:24,833 Don't worry, we'll find him. 576 00:30:24,967 --> 00:30:28,033 I have a good idea where to start looking. 577 00:30:28,167 --> 00:30:30,633 [Gentle music] 578 00:30:30,767 --> 00:30:33,433 [Shoes clacking] 579 00:30:34,700 --> 00:30:36,367 Quick, come on. 580 00:30:36,500 --> 00:30:38,067 I've got a stitch! 581 00:30:39,533 --> 00:30:40,967 I know exactly where he is. 582 00:30:41,100 --> 00:30:43,267 [Ray] [Screaming] Someone let me out, please! 583 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:44,267 [Alarm blaring] 584 00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:45,633 Down there, that flour thingy, 585 00:30:45,767 --> 00:30:47,247 he must have climbed in and got stuck. 586 00:30:47,367 --> 00:30:51,100 Yeah, like some sort of weird sexual flour fetish thing. 587 00:30:51,233 --> 00:30:53,076 Well, I was thinking more like when he was cleaning it, 588 00:30:53,100 --> 00:30:55,100 but your theory sounds far more likely. 589 00:30:55,233 --> 00:30:59,133 - Help me, help! - [Door banging] 590 00:30:59,267 --> 00:31:04,067 Help, help me! Oh no, someone let me out, please! 591 00:31:05,067 --> 00:31:07,200 Help me get me out, please! 592 00:31:07,333 --> 00:31:09,900 - [Gemma gasps] - The door, open the door! 593 00:31:10,067 --> 00:31:11,633 It says not to open it! 594 00:31:11,767 --> 00:31:15,433 I'm about to drown in flour! The wheel, use the wheel. 595 00:31:15,567 --> 00:31:17,100 Terry, the wheel. 596 00:31:18,700 --> 00:31:19,900 Go, go! 597 00:31:20,067 --> 00:31:21,433 [Metals clanking] 598 00:31:21,567 --> 00:31:26,133 [Screaming] Oh, let me out, please! No! 599 00:31:26,267 --> 00:31:31,167 - [Ray screams] - [Gemma gasps] 600 00:31:34,067 --> 00:31:36,067 We found your packet of pubes, ray. 601 00:31:36,133 --> 00:31:37,733 We know you're the culprit. 602 00:31:37,867 --> 00:31:39,067 It wasn't me. 603 00:31:39,133 --> 00:31:42,133 Pubes don't lie, ray, pubes don't lie. 604 00:31:42,267 --> 00:31:43,867 I, I was just doing what I was told. 605 00:31:44,067 --> 00:31:45,067 Told? By who? 606 00:31:46,300 --> 00:31:49,467 [Gentle twinkly music] 607 00:31:50,833 --> 00:31:53,633 [Monty whistling] 608 00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:01,967 [Soft suspenseful music] 609 00:32:07,900 --> 00:32:09,167 Julie?! 610 00:32:09,300 --> 00:32:10,609 She said if I let her poison the food here, 611 00:32:10,633 --> 00:32:11,909 she'd do the same at her dad's place 612 00:32:11,933 --> 00:32:13,493 and then we could open up our own bakery 613 00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:15,520 in the shopping centre, and like run it together. 614 00:32:15,633 --> 00:32:17,200 But I told her she was going too far. 615 00:32:17,333 --> 00:32:18,900 So she threw you in the flour vat? 616 00:32:19,067 --> 00:32:20,933 No, she told me there was a fiver in here. 617 00:32:21,067 --> 00:32:23,276 I went after it and she locked it and started filling it. 618 00:32:23,300 --> 00:32:25,333 How did she think she'd get away with killing you? 619 00:32:25,467 --> 00:32:26,933 Oh, I'm always getting stuck in here. 620 00:32:27,067 --> 00:32:28,267 Cleaning it? 621 00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:29,933 No, I, I like the way it feels on my... 622 00:32:32,433 --> 00:32:33,800 Yeah, yeah, yeah, cleaning it. 623 00:32:33,933 --> 00:32:34,933 - Told you. - Yeah. 624 00:32:37,467 --> 00:32:39,067 She's spiked the flapjacks with prawns, 625 00:32:39,133 --> 00:32:40,600 - we've gotta stop her! - Prawns? 626 00:32:42,300 --> 00:32:45,567 Monica, she's allergic to shellfish, she could die! 627 00:32:45,700 --> 00:32:47,367 I've got the bakery Van, let's go. 628 00:32:48,367 --> 00:32:49,667 It's all right, I'll drive, 629 00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:51,600 I used to be a skilled, professional driver. 630 00:32:51,733 --> 00:32:55,067 [Upbeat rock music] 631 00:32:55,167 --> 00:32:58,433 If you don't count all the points on my licence. 632 00:33:00,533 --> 00:33:02,333 Go, go, go, go! 633 00:33:02,467 --> 00:33:04,187 Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on! 634 00:33:04,267 --> 00:33:07,367 ? Heading on the highway ? 635 00:33:07,500 --> 00:33:09,733 ? looking for adventure ? 636 00:33:09,867 --> 00:33:12,567 - [car engine sputtering] - ? and whatever come along ? 637 00:33:12,700 --> 00:33:14,833 - [car engine revving] - [Bell ringing] 638 00:33:14,967 --> 00:33:16,433 [Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, 639 00:33:16,567 --> 00:33:18,343 we apologise for the use of an understudy in part 1. 640 00:33:18,367 --> 00:33:21,100 We also apologise for the quality of his performance. 641 00:33:21,233 --> 00:33:23,900 Thanks for stepping in to cover for ray, wherever he is. 642 00:33:24,067 --> 00:33:25,633 Hey, not a problem. 643 00:33:25,767 --> 00:33:27,409 I didn't, I didn't expect them to laugh so much. 644 00:33:27,433 --> 00:33:28,833 Oh, they weren't laughing at you, 645 00:33:28,967 --> 00:33:29,800 they were laughing towards you. 646 00:33:29,933 --> 00:33:31,633 I get that a lot, as an actor, 647 00:33:31,767 --> 00:33:35,100 audiences just love to fling their joy all over me. 648 00:33:35,233 --> 00:33:36,400 You're doing a great job. 649 00:33:38,067 --> 00:33:41,200 Why thank you, my Juliet. And may I dare say new landlady? 650 00:33:41,333 --> 00:33:43,367 [Monica giggles] 651 00:33:43,500 --> 00:33:47,333 That is of course providing I do manage to land the lady. 652 00:33:49,567 --> 00:33:50,867 No, we mustn't, we mustn't. 653 00:33:51,067 --> 00:33:52,767 [Both chuckle] 654 00:33:52,900 --> 00:33:55,067 Oh, my hero. [Chuckles] 655 00:33:55,133 --> 00:33:58,567 ? I wanna love you but I better not touch, don't touch ? 656 00:33:58,700 --> 00:34:02,733 ? I wanna hold you but my senses tell me to stop ? 657 00:34:02,867 --> 00:34:06,600 ? I wanna kiss you but I want it too much ? 658 00:34:06,733 --> 00:34:08,367 can this not go any faster? 659 00:34:08,500 --> 00:34:11,900 Look, she's built for comfort, not speed, 660 00:34:12,067 --> 00:34:15,167 bit like me, and him. [Laughs] 661 00:34:15,300 --> 00:34:18,067 - What? - ? running through my veins ? 662 00:34:18,167 --> 00:34:20,767 ? you're poison ? 663 00:34:22,133 --> 00:34:23,409 two minutes 'til we're back on, Monica. 664 00:34:23,433 --> 00:34:26,767 ? I don't wanna break these chains ? 665 00:34:26,900 --> 00:34:31,200 ? I hear you calling and it's needles and pins ? 666 00:34:31,333 --> 00:34:35,067 ? I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name ? 667 00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:39,233 ? don't wanna touch you but you're under my skin, deep in ? 668 00:34:39,367 --> 00:34:43,067 ? I wanna kiss you but your lips venomous ? 669 00:34:43,167 --> 00:34:45,533 poison, I see, hath been his timeless end. 670 00:34:46,500 --> 00:34:47,767 [Gemma] Stop the play! 671 00:34:47,900 --> 00:34:49,380 [Audience] Finally, about bloody time! 672 00:34:49,467 --> 00:34:53,333 [Audience applauding] 673 00:34:53,467 --> 00:34:54,947 Oh Monica, thank god you're all right. 674 00:34:55,067 --> 00:34:56,967 Of course I am, I mean, I'm sweating a bit, 675 00:34:57,100 --> 00:34:58,800 but I think the lights are just hot. 676 00:34:58,933 --> 00:35:00,200 Where's Julie caplan? 677 00:35:00,333 --> 00:35:03,067 - Sam, lights! - [Soft music] 678 00:35:07,100 --> 00:35:10,800 Hey, Julie, we've just found ray. 679 00:35:10,933 --> 00:35:13,133 Drowning in flour. 680 00:35:13,267 --> 00:35:15,187 Wanna bet the police won't find your fingerprints 681 00:35:15,233 --> 00:35:16,867 on the handle of the flour vat, 682 00:35:18,167 --> 00:35:21,133 or on this security pass for monty's? 683 00:35:21,267 --> 00:35:24,500 We've got you, Julie, your poisoning days are over. 684 00:35:26,700 --> 00:35:28,633 Oh, you think you're so clever, don't you, Gemma? 685 00:35:28,767 --> 00:35:31,067 I knew it as soon as I laid eyes on you. 686 00:35:31,133 --> 00:35:32,133 I get by. 687 00:35:33,433 --> 00:35:35,167 She's level 2 sudoku actually. 688 00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:39,967 Julie, you did this? 689 00:35:41,233 --> 00:35:43,067 You don't want the bakery when I'm gone? 690 00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:48,533 My yeast will become your yeast. 691 00:35:48,667 --> 00:35:50,967 She wants a fresh start in the shopping centre. 692 00:35:52,467 --> 00:35:56,967 She wants recognition, adoration, free on-site parking. 693 00:35:58,633 --> 00:36:00,076 He's right, dad, I don't wanna waste my whole life 694 00:36:00,100 --> 00:36:02,900 staring across at my enemy, oh, no, 695 00:36:03,067 --> 00:36:05,067 I'm going to be looking at my own bright future, 696 00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:06,800 not your dull past. 697 00:36:06,933 --> 00:36:09,400 I'm gonna be staring across at a cobbler 698 00:36:09,533 --> 00:36:11,300 that also cuts keys. 699 00:36:11,433 --> 00:36:14,700 [Monica wheezing and coughing] 700 00:36:14,833 --> 00:36:16,767 [Monica thuds] 701 00:36:16,900 --> 00:36:18,300 [Audience] Is she okay? Oh my god! 702 00:36:18,433 --> 00:36:19,433 Oh, oh! 703 00:36:22,300 --> 00:36:24,600 Oh, oh, she's all swelled-up. 704 00:36:25,667 --> 00:36:29,533 [Monica] I ate the flapjack. 705 00:36:29,667 --> 00:36:30,967 Has anyone got an epipen? 706 00:36:31,100 --> 00:36:32,940 Oh, Stacey has, I went through her bag earlier. 707 00:36:32,967 --> 00:36:35,367 - [Simon] Right, stace. - Is it bad? 708 00:36:35,500 --> 00:36:39,600 'Cause I always wanted to have lip-fillers. Does it suit me? 709 00:36:39,733 --> 00:36:41,500 Yeah, yeah, they do. 710 00:36:41,633 --> 00:36:43,867 Oh, you're a good sister, Gemma, 711 00:36:44,067 --> 00:36:47,500 and maybe now you'll be the favourite. 712 00:36:47,633 --> 00:36:49,533 You were never the favourite, 713 00:36:49,667 --> 00:36:51,433 mum always said we were equal. 714 00:36:51,567 --> 00:36:54,133 [Chuckles] She only said that when you were there. 715 00:36:54,267 --> 00:36:55,567 - Hmm. - When you were gone, 716 00:36:55,700 --> 00:36:57,167 she said it was... 717 00:36:58,500 --> 00:36:59,367 It was me. 718 00:36:59,500 --> 00:37:00,333 - [Monica thuds] - Oh, no, no! 719 00:37:00,467 --> 00:37:01,933 No, no, no! 720 00:37:02,067 --> 00:37:03,367 [Simon] Shift! 721 00:37:10,333 --> 00:37:13,233 - [Flesh squelches] - [Monica gasps] 722 00:37:13,367 --> 00:37:16,300 Simon, you saved my life! 723 00:37:16,433 --> 00:37:19,333 - [Terry] Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm fine. 724 00:37:19,467 --> 00:37:21,267 You go and get that little witch. 725 00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:24,333 [Upbeat rock music] 726 00:37:25,733 --> 00:37:28,133 [Door slams] 727 00:37:33,333 --> 00:37:34,633 Kids, eh? 728 00:37:34,767 --> 00:37:38,567 ? The power of love is a curious thing ? 729 00:37:38,700 --> 00:37:40,867 ? make one man weep, make another man sing ? 730 00:37:41,067 --> 00:37:42,167 Julie, wait! 731 00:37:43,633 --> 00:37:44,633 Julie, stop! 732 00:37:46,767 --> 00:37:48,067 ? More than a feeling ? 733 00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:50,433 - Julie. - ? that's the power of love ? 734 00:37:50,567 --> 00:37:51,933 bloody stitch! 735 00:37:52,067 --> 00:37:54,600 [Door opens] 736 00:37:54,733 --> 00:37:59,333 ? tougher than diamonds, rich like cream ? 737 00:37:59,467 --> 00:38:01,933 this is it, Julie, the end of the line, 738 00:38:02,067 --> 00:38:03,167 time to give it up. 739 00:38:03,300 --> 00:38:05,800 That's who she reminds me of, Juliet! 740 00:38:05,933 --> 00:38:07,343 I think everyone's already got the reference 741 00:38:07,367 --> 00:38:09,900 - to Shakespeare. - No, Juliet bravo, 742 00:38:10,067 --> 00:38:11,867 series 3, episode 4, "amateur night." 743 00:38:12,067 --> 00:38:13,633 Not now, Terry. 744 00:38:13,767 --> 00:38:15,300 Julie! 745 00:38:15,433 --> 00:38:18,667 ? It's strong and it's sudden and it's cruel sometimes ? 746 00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:21,067 [ray] Go, go, go, go, go up. 747 00:38:21,167 --> 00:38:23,133 Oh my god! 748 00:38:23,267 --> 00:38:27,233 ? That's the power of love ? 749 00:38:27,367 --> 00:38:29,433 - no. - Easy now, Julie, 750 00:38:29,567 --> 00:38:31,509 you don't wanna do something you won't live to regret, 751 00:38:31,533 --> 00:38:32,773 oh no, that's not right, is it? 752 00:38:32,867 --> 00:38:34,067 What I mean to say- 753 00:38:34,133 --> 00:38:35,900 what she's tryna say is, don't jump! 754 00:38:36,067 --> 00:38:38,400 Yes, that's it, don't jump! Ssh. 755 00:38:38,533 --> 00:38:41,300 Julie, we can make it work. 756 00:38:41,433 --> 00:38:44,833 If you go to prison, I'll wait, no matter how long, 757 00:38:44,967 --> 00:38:47,633 and I forgive you, for everything, 758 00:38:47,767 --> 00:38:51,833 for destroying my family business, attempted murder. 759 00:38:51,967 --> 00:38:52,833 I love you. 760 00:38:52,967 --> 00:38:54,400 Way to go, mate, play it cool. 761 00:38:54,533 --> 00:38:56,233 No, ray, you need someone better. 762 00:38:56,367 --> 00:39:00,067 Hey, don't you say that, 763 00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:01,443 you're plenty good enough for him. 764 00:39:01,467 --> 00:39:03,100 I mean, he's hardly 765 00:39:03,233 --> 00:39:04,743 the brightest sparkler in the packet, is he? 766 00:39:04,767 --> 00:39:06,800 You run rings around him. 767 00:39:06,933 --> 00:39:11,533 I say, don't jump, you'll find someone much better. 768 00:39:11,667 --> 00:39:14,300 - Here, hang on. - I'm trying to save her life! 769 00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:17,067 You're the only one for me, Julie. 770 00:39:18,567 --> 00:39:20,200 You make my skin crawl, ray. 771 00:39:20,333 --> 00:39:23,500 Every time we made love, I thought I was going to be sick! 772 00:39:23,633 --> 00:39:26,067 You probably just ate too many doughnuts. 773 00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:27,700 Look, I was gonna do this earlier, 774 00:39:27,833 --> 00:39:30,700 but then you locked me in a flour vat in a bid to kill me. 775 00:39:30,833 --> 00:39:31,833 Er, so- 776 00:39:33,100 --> 00:39:34,967 oh, look. 777 00:39:35,100 --> 00:39:38,167 Julie caplan, will you marry me? 778 00:39:39,633 --> 00:39:42,567 [Soft sombre music] 779 00:39:49,100 --> 00:39:51,067 - [Gemma and ray scream] - [Julie thuds] 780 00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:52,200 No! 781 00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:57,100 Oh, well, at least she didn't say no. 782 00:39:57,233 --> 00:39:58,667 I, I can't live without her. 783 00:40:00,633 --> 00:40:04,700 Hey, hang on, mate, she isn't worth topping yourself for! 784 00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:07,500 She tricked you into destroying 785 00:40:07,633 --> 00:40:09,500 everything your families had worked for. 786 00:40:10,600 --> 00:40:12,933 She admitted to all of us 787 00:40:13,067 --> 00:40:16,233 that sex with you turned her stomach! 788 00:40:18,100 --> 00:40:22,167 Ray, wait, just let me say one more thing. 789 00:40:22,300 --> 00:40:26,000 No. Julie, Julie, I love you! 790 00:40:27,833 --> 00:40:31,167 [Gemma and Terry scream] 791 00:40:33,867 --> 00:40:36,800 [Soft sombre music] 792 00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:46,567 Look before you leap is quite literally the lesson here. 793 00:40:49,633 --> 00:40:53,300 [Ray] Oh, oh, sorry, Julie. 794 00:40:55,900 --> 00:40:58,033 [Julie] Get off me, ray. 795 00:41:00,333 --> 00:41:04,500 Ray, if you still love her- 796 00:41:04,633 --> 00:41:06,167 [ray] I do. 797 00:41:06,300 --> 00:41:08,143 You might wanna help her get down off that waggon. 798 00:41:08,167 --> 00:41:09,633 Oh yeah, right. 799 00:41:10,933 --> 00:41:13,300 I knew I could rely on you. 800 00:41:13,433 --> 00:41:15,633 I needed you and you were there. 801 00:41:15,767 --> 00:41:19,233 Hey, hey, I will be there for all of you, 802 00:41:19,367 --> 00:41:21,567 no matter how long it takes, 803 00:41:21,700 --> 00:41:24,167 'til your head returns to a normal size. 804 00:41:24,300 --> 00:41:25,500 Yeah. [Monica chuckles] 805 00:41:25,633 --> 00:41:27,243 Terry and Gemma get their insurance payout. 806 00:41:27,267 --> 00:41:28,676 Oh that, yeah, Gemma said that could take months. 807 00:41:28,700 --> 00:41:32,833 Months? Er, yeah, that's fine, it can wait. 808 00:41:32,967 --> 00:41:36,200 Although, Gemma also said they might never pay up, 809 00:41:36,333 --> 00:41:41,133 so we'll be together forever, [Chuckling] And ever and ever. 810 00:41:43,067 --> 00:41:47,867 Aah. Oh, oh I've just remembered, I think... 811 00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:50,443 Yeah, I think I left my jacket in your car. 812 00:41:50,467 --> 00:41:51,909 Can I grab your car keys and go and get it? 813 00:41:51,933 --> 00:41:53,413 Yeah, of course you can, they're, erm- 814 00:41:53,533 --> 00:41:55,900 yeah, I know where they are, I was just being polite. 815 00:41:56,067 --> 00:42:00,733 [Chuckles] Oh, he's such a gent. 816 00:42:00,867 --> 00:42:03,167 [Police speaking over radio] 817 00:42:03,300 --> 00:42:05,600 [Scoop stretcher creaking] 818 00:42:05,733 --> 00:42:08,367 [Siren wailing] 819 00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:15,067 As much as I want to thank you for stopping Monica's play, 820 00:42:15,133 --> 00:42:18,233 you are going away for a very, very long time. 821 00:42:18,367 --> 00:42:21,667 And I'll come and visit you every week, in prison. 822 00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:23,733 Can you take me back up to the roof? 823 00:42:23,867 --> 00:42:28,733 - I'd like to try again. - [Gentle charming music] 824 00:42:29,567 --> 00:42:31,167 [Ray] I love you, Julie. 825 00:42:40,433 --> 00:42:43,233 [Dog barking] 826 00:42:43,367 --> 00:42:47,967 [Sobs] Thanks for paying for the taxi. 827 00:42:49,133 --> 00:42:50,833 Simon texted to, erm, 828 00:42:50,967 --> 00:42:52,967 to say it's time for his heart to wander, 829 00:42:53,100 --> 00:42:55,167 and he needs my car to do that, 830 00:42:55,300 --> 00:42:57,433 so he'll bring it back when the wander's over. 831 00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:02,367 I can feel a big cry coming on, and maybe some wine. 832 00:43:02,500 --> 00:43:07,300 Well, I never liked him, no. Why are you even friends? 833 00:43:09,067 --> 00:43:10,667 He's nothing like you. 834 00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:11,909 Your heart doesn't wanna wander, 835 00:43:11,933 --> 00:43:13,233 - does it? - Mine? 836 00:43:15,067 --> 00:43:19,233 No, my heart finds what it wants, nestles into a comfy sofa, 837 00:43:21,233 --> 00:43:23,333 offers another liquid "riverdance" coffee. 838 00:43:23,467 --> 00:43:24,667 Ooh. 839 00:43:24,800 --> 00:43:26,600 If my lady could be tempted by such a thing. 840 00:43:28,067 --> 00:43:30,533 Hey, let's not rub our happiness in Monica's face, eh? 841 00:43:31,767 --> 00:43:33,500 We don't wanna make her jealous. 842 00:43:33,633 --> 00:43:36,600 Terry, that's an awful thing to say. 843 00:43:36,733 --> 00:43:40,967 I might be heartbroken, but I could never be jealous 844 00:43:41,100 --> 00:43:43,700 of the happiness you and Gemma share together, never. 845 00:43:43,833 --> 00:43:46,700 - Aww. - Because people like you 846 00:43:46,833 --> 00:43:49,800 usually end up all alone for your entire lives. 847 00:43:49,933 --> 00:43:51,233 Quite sad really. 848 00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:55,800 [Gentle twinkly music] 849 00:43:56,967 --> 00:43:57,833 Gemma, could we- 850 00:43:57,967 --> 00:44:00,067 feed her prawns in her sleep? 851 00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:02,133 - Yeah. - All right then. 852 00:44:04,667 --> 00:44:09,467 ? Poison, your poison running through my veins ? 853 00:44:12,233 --> 00:44:17,067 ? you're poison, I don't wanna break these chains ? 854 00:44:20,700 --> 00:44:25,467 ? poison, I wanna love you but I better not touch ? 855 00:44:29,967 --> 00:44:32,500 [gentle music] 856 00:44:32,550 --> 00:44:37,100 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0